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TBH I wasn’t even sure I believed in God.

The experience I had in my youth regarding faith, love, religion and hope we’re not positive ones. Even though I attended church regularly as a child I eventually stopped going because it wasn’t an uplifting experience. Fire and brimstone sermons and the feeling that no matter what I did I would never meet up to Gods requirements of me left me feeling hopeless and alone.
I went many years calling myself spiritual because I wasn’t comfortable with using the word God. My faith in God was weak. I decided that organized religion was not for me. The shaming, judging and generational guilt I was exposed to separated me from truly knowing God and the unconditional love I yearned for in my heart.
It left me searching for LOVE everywhere:
-working 80 hours a week trying to feel needed and irreplaceable.
-keeping up with the jones’ while appearing to have it all worked out
-seeking out people and relationships to fill the void in my heart
-my worth was wrapped up in a façade created for safety not for growth
I coped by:
-shoving down, burying and hiding the pain and loneliness I felt inside
-following all the gurus and buying programs that promised to improve my mindset or teach me abundance (no offense to these people who lead)
-deliberately avoiding opportunity for growth with fear of facing my own ego and the pain that would surely come.
-not enforcing boundaries because I needed others to like me.
It wasn’t until I was forced into a true shift that required me to face my ego straight on that I finally found change. I shut out all of the distractions and really faced my biggest fears and I began to heal. Believe me they were big! Lack, worth, guilt, shame …most of them handed down to me through generations of my family.
I won’t dilute the reality of what that means. It was hard. The lies my ego gently whispered to me in the quiet times my whole life became screams. My ego was holding on tightly to the image I had created to protect myself and it wasn’t ready to let go. My ego was so loud and so in control of my thoughts that eventually I spoke God’s name and cried out for grace. l finally decided to let go of the illusion of control that I had created to feel safe and I began to trust the process. My faith was building. One miracle at a time.
I would love to tell you that I only had to do this once but in all transparency … it was moment by moment. Day by day. I fell, I cried true tears of release. I begged God for favor and I received it. Each time I received exactly what I thought I was worthy of but it kept coming. I kept working on myself and my self worth grew. It’s continuing to grow even as I write this. The more I love myself, the more I can feel Gods love for me. The more connected I feel.
In the past I had yearned for this type of growth and tried to achieve it on my own. I was somewhat successful but during this time I knew I needed support. You can’t see the forest for the trees when you are immersed in it. I looked for and hired some of the most amazing mentors and coaches who opened me eyes to things I never knew were available to me. Love, hope, abundance and freedom from the lies of my ego.
These women helped me see that taking care of my own needs isn’t selfish. That setting boundaries wasn’t petty or self serving. It’s necessary for health. They helped me learn to access the divine inside of myself. My connection to source. To God! An entire Universe full of wonder and amazing things.
I had to understand for myself how this worked so I studied and meditated and prayed. I learned that a humans first reaction to being uncomfortable is to FEEL better. We have been trained by society to soothe ourselves with distractions such as keeping really busy, relying on addictions like social media or alcohol and chasing new relationships to soothe our pain and loneliness but what we don’t know is that it’s it’s ok to be uncomfortable.
Actually feeling the uncomfortable feelings is the only way to get to the other side. It is so important to learn how to allow the uncomfortableness and accept it and process the emotions that come with the pain. We can do this by peeling back the layers and getting to the root issue. This sort of growth isn’t for the faint of heart but it’s so very worth it in the end.
Honestly, I don’t think it’s something you can do completely alone. My coaches and mentors also have coaches and mentors. It’s how we learn and how we quantum leap into new realms of awakening. You can only achieve the level of awareness that you are ready to achieve. Coaching helps you stretch your belief system and increase your ability to grow. I also have decided that I want to do the same for people who relate to me.
If you read this all the way through I hope it helps you realize that you are never alone. You can never do anything that will separate you from God’s love. You are a divine being and God is in you and all around you. We are meant to be limitless and expressions of love.
If that’s not been your experience then there is time to shift. Everything you have ever wanted is on the other side of fear. If you seek assistance in this growth seek out others who speak your language and learn from them. I‘m here for you. ♥️
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