Definition SURVIVE – to live or “EXIST” despite hardship or catastrophe.
Definition of THRIVE – to prosper, flourish or succeed. To grow vigorously.

Honest realization 👏
I’ve been stuck in survival mode most of my adult life. 🤢 Circling the drain! EXISTING
Yes, I have had amazing moments where I thrived. I’m THRIVING NOW! 🤗

But… I kept repeating the same situations over and over again …. here’s why!
Doing this because you (I) have learning and healing to do is hard! Healing from those things seems very hard! Most people are fearful to open up the proverbial “Pandora’s Box” because the situations they do remember and know about their personal history are hard enough. Digging around in that dark attic seems like a really bad idea. It did to me… it seemed like it would be too painful

In comes 2020… the year that will forever be etched in minds and history books…
In this year I finally reached a point in my life where I knew something had to change. I was tired of always ending up back in the same place … survival mode. I knew if I didn’t do something NOW I was going to sink further into depression and be more closed off from the things that bring me the most joy. Friends, family, people in general. I love a good crowd of people all excited about the same thing. A concert or Octoberfest for example.

This year forced me to focus on me. It forced me to face the hard things in my life that were holding me back from living a life of joy and happiness.

I realize now that when I find something that’s exciting and happy I hold onto it so tight that the thought of losing it is almost more than I can bear. I feel as if I will break if I lost it. Occasionally I did. In the past.

In the past I searched for love outside of myself. I relied on the sun, or gentle breeze or a person to make me feel at peace and loved. All of which are fleeting.

I now feel that LOVE inside of me like a warm cozy blanket. I know how it feels to set boundaries and be able to say “NO” to things that do not serve me. I’ve learned to release people and things that make me feel small or unworthy. I’ve learned to THRIVE.
Of course it is a process and I truly hope that I never stop this growing process – I’m so thankful that I’ve made it through the dark places and that I’m on the other side.

I chose this picture of me because in this moment I was literally finding my purpose. I was digging out of the pit and I was looking for the thing that would make me whole.
ME. not what I could get from somewhere else. ME
I FOUND IT … I found ME
and with love … abounding FAITH and more joy than I can even express I AM FREE.
I’m releasing the past and I’m leaving the door to Pandora’s box open. I no longer need to keep it under lock and key.

I’ve faced my demons and they are not that scary. I am bigger and stronger than they.

I am blooming where I am planted. I am growing and flourishing and I am looking forward to every day AND I am loved.
By the most important person who could ever love me. ❤️ ME ❤️

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